A few weeks ago my wife and I went shopping at Target. We arrived at the store on a mission. We had five things on our list, and wanted to get out before we found ten things to buy. We split up. I headed for the cleaning supplies as she headed for the diapers. Like clockwork we met a register 10 minutes later and began to check out. We split our items into a couple of purchases to maximize our coupons. It was a first-class mission, and even the young girl cashing us out noticed. As I signed my credit card slip she asked, “How long have you two been married?” “Five years, why?” we responded inquisitively. And she continued, “Sorry, it’s just that I’ve never seen two people communicate so clearly without using any words! I would have thought you’ve been married 30 years, but you look so young!” (Okay, so I may have added that you look so young part).
It turns out, without us even noticing, we had separated our transactions, slipped coupons from person to person, and used the appropriate credit cards all without saying a word. We reached the pinnacle of every marriage—Expertise shopping at Target! But it goes deeper than that. After 5 years of marriage and nearly 10 years since we started dating, we really know each other. We can speak without speaking. We can read each other’s minds. We can anticipate our partner’s actions. We have been formed in this thing we share called marriage—so much so that some of it is now second-nature.
It’s no coincidence that the Bible so frequently talks about our relationship with God in terms of marriage. The Old Testament prophets talk about God’s marriage to the people Israel, and the New Testament letters talk about Christ being the bridegroom and we his bride. Our relationship with God models the love and faithfulness shared between two married people. But what if it goes deeper than that? What if with the love and faithfulness, God also longs for us to be formed in our relationship with him? What if God is inviting us to be so formed that the love and the faithfulness become second-nature? What if they become a part of who we are?
There’s a Bible verse from the gospel of John that speaks to this formation. Jesus said, “I give you a new commandment: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). Jesus is talking about a faith that goes deeper than the right words or actions. He is inviting us to be so formed by him, that the very way we live shows people we are his followers.
The girl at the checkout line didn’t see our wedding bands or marriage certificate. She didn’t check our IDs and notice the same last name. She saw the way the two of us had become one, and she knew we were married. May we be so formed by God’s word… by our worship… by saving water and forgiving bread… by the community of believers… and by God’s love that everyone we encounter knows that we are married too. May they know we are Jesus’ disciples by our love.